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Jon Strikes Again

This past week I was suppose to start a new position. I was at training when I got the news that I would not be getting the position after all. 

Upon further communication it was related to the fact that Jon got the County Attorney to charge ME with harassment. Are you fucking kidding me??? I have tried for months to get them to charge him and they refused… but he gets them to charge me.

The sad part is that this new position was the first thing in 15 years that I was excited about. I wanted to make a difference in my County and other people’s lives. I also was sad because for the first time in a long time others thought what I had to say was important or helpful. I felt so good at the training and in the middle of it something that Jon did pulled the rug out from under me. I have spent several hours in tears. I have gone back to a very dark place in my mind.

Why????? Is what I keep asking myself and how did he do it????

The Saga Continues

So I have been out of the hospital for about a month. I’m still struggling with the issues that put me in the hospital. Most of which are related to Jon. In fact every time I’ve been hospitalized since I’ve met him has been because of him.

I filed the cease and desist letters with the courts. I mailed them to him as I was instructed by the crime victims assistance office of the state attorney general’s office told me to.

I have since been charged with harassment. I couldn’t get the local law officials or county attorney to help me but he talks to them once and I get charges filed on me.

Jon has broken the 120 yard distanceby driving by my house only 2 days after getting the cease and desist order. I’m going to have to follow up with the crime victims office to see what the next step is.

I am to start a new job on the 6th. Training will be out of town and I’m excited for it. 

However, Jon continues to torment me, my daughter, and my boyfriend. When will this nightmare ever end?

Catch up

It has been a while since I have shared what is going on in my domestic violence issues/life lessons.

I recently discovered that Jon had mailed copies of the emails that I sent him to my mom, aunt, and grandma. My mom and grandma got a half page letter and my aunt got a 4 page letter outlining all my errors in his mind.  My 2 of my family members were upset that he’d even contact them because he was no longer a part of the family. My mom had earlier received s letter asking her to help Jon deal with me. One family member’s support of me is wishy washy. My family has forwarded those packages to me. Jon does not know this. 

I have also reached a point where the mental stress got to much for me. So in a way I feel like Jon accomplished what he wanted… to stress me to the point of hospitalization. I am currently working on overcoming those issues but it will take a bunch of work on my part.

Legally, I have been in contact with the state attorney generals office and have been guided in what steps to take and resources to access. This has been tiring. But it will allow me to set boundaries that I hope will keep me and my daughter safe.  I have spent several hours in the county law library. I have made several phone calls. But the bottom line is that I am fighting this on my own. I can’t afford an attorney. I filed cease and desist letters with the clerk of courts. He of course has already broken the parameters. But I’ve been advised to just call it in do there is a paper trail for what will eventually be a lawsuit for mental and physical anguish. But how does a person put a price on their own sanity? What is the right amount? What us to low? What is to high?

I continue to see my domestic abuse advocate. She is a great listener. But at this point she isn’t really doing more than that. But maybe she’ll be able to help later on.  

I believe that when I get done the county I live in will take all forms of abuse more seriously. 

Hospital Stay

So all the stress and anxiety landed me in the hospital. I know that it was because I just found out that Jon sent letters to my mom, my 92 year old Grandma, and my Aunt.

I’m not sure what he thought he was going to get from sending those letters to my family members. I really think this is SO WRONG! I’ve read 2 of the 3 letters and looked at the emails. Jon was not honest in his letters and ONLY SENT MY PORTION OF EMAILS. I did find it weird that one of the letters was 4 pages long and the other just half a page. Jon has mailed stuff to my mom more than once…she threw the first letter away. My family and I want nothing to do with Jon. 

If you have any insight into Jon’s latest action please leave some comments. 

I try and try to get him out of my head. But I’m not very good at it. Any suggestions?

When will it end?

At this point Jon and I have be split up for 11 months. I have had to deal with harassing emails, text messages, and phone calls. To some extent this last few weeks the above has gotten less and less.

Jon has a new girlfriend. She has participated in some of the verbal abuse I’ve endured since March. She also videotapes or photographs me whenever she sees me. Jon and his girlfriend drive by my house almost daily now. But still get upset if I am even within a block of their places.

Jon continues to drive by my boyfriends place almost daily as well. Jon says it’s because it is the easiest and shortest route to his mom’s but he turns in the opposite direction all the time.

It still amazes me that the laws that are supposed to protect you are not enforced or are allowed to be interpreted differently by each county attorney. I have gotten little to no support from the town police or the county sheriff and deputies. The county attorney won’t do anything as well. It is really frustrating that I have researched the law, I have had appointments with the county attorney and still nothing.

It is no wonder to me that survivors of domestic violence don’t report the abuse. Why go through even more abuse from the people that are suppose to protect you? This has been a long hard experience for me and I’m sure for any survivor.  There are days when I wish I wouldn’t of stood up for myself. There are days that I feel like giving up. There are days when I feel like moving out of the area… but that would only cause trauma again for my daughter.

When people ask me if it was worth it I have mixed feelings. But I keep fighting for my rights to be safe and not intimidated. Some days I just wonder why. At times going through trying to get help almost has been as bad if not worse than living with Jon and his abuse.

Update

It’s been a while since I have posted anything. Life has been crazy.

The abusive emails continue and now even from his sister. They think they are going to prove harassment on me but I have never threatened him or them. But he threatened me last week. I will be meeting with the county attorney and my own attorney to get things going.

Abusers can only control their impulses for a short period of time. His true colors are showing again.

You can only control YOURSELF

You know when I first got my DV Advocate I thought great she’ll have the answers that will help me. But it didn’t take long for me to learn that even if you do EVERYTHING your advocate suggests it doesn’t  mean that your abuser will leave you alone. Especially if you live in a small town.

My advocate told me to change my Facebook and to block the abuser and anyone associated with him. I did.

My advocate told me to change my phone number. I did TWICE in one month. My abuser still found a way to get it. 

My advocate told me to open a new email. I did. BUT… the Sheriff told me to keep the other account open so that when and if the time comes that we go to court they can prove that my abuser still contacts me. I even had his emails go straight to my junk folder and then transfer them to a file just for his crap. But at times I get week and read them anyway. Which of course hooks me and upsets me so before I know it I’m returning emails. At least it’s from my old email account.

My advocate suggested that I not walk or drive by his home or his new girlfriend’s home. I have honored that. My abuser asked the same thing of Mr. BUT… they still drive by my place and my boyfriends’ place. I have requested several times for him to stop. I even asked that his family, girlfriend, and himself stop. But they still do it. Almost daily. It will get more frequent when school starts later this week. He always has an excuse or reason why THEY shouldn’t have to change their routes. But my explanations in his mind and those associated with him are just lies and me trying to harass them.

My advocate provides limited support to me. Sometimes I feel like I know just as much as she does about what needs to change. After all, I’m a Social Worker and worked at a DV shelter. So when I need support and my advocate is busy it is frustrating.

My advocate told me to not be surprised if my abuser tries to turn me in for fraud with the programs that assist me. Today, my abuser admitted to me that he DID turn me in for fraud. I’m not dumb… when the paperwork and bills showed up I knew it was him. But it is nice to know 100% for sure that he did it.

My abuser continues to tell lies about me around town. My abuser continues to harass me. My abuser says I’m doing the things that HE IS ACTUALLY DOING. 

My abuser even hinted at that he was trying to get me to have another nervous breakdown so that I’ll have to be hospitalized again for my PTSD, DEPRESSION, and ANXIETY. To me that is stooping pretty low.

I just felt the need to share today.